Book Sixteen- Reunited and it feels so gooood....

Hey Guys!!
So, when I left off, I was staying with the swineherd, attempting to plot my revenge on the suitors in the form of an old man. It was getting realllyyyyyyyyy boring, but then guess who showed up?? TELEMAKHOS!!! Ohhh my beautiful son! (who I painfully regret leaving at home for the first twenty years of his life...) Of course, I stayed in the form of an old man for a while, just so I could check him out and see what kind of man he had become. He seemed very responsible, grown-up, and seriously, I'm afraid that he's more of a man than I am!! However, that's certainly not possible...I mean COME ON. I'm ODYSSEUS. Anyways, as soon as Eumaios left the hut to go tell Penelope that Telemakhos had come home, I revealed myself to Telemakhos, and he was totally in shock!! He totally didn't believe it was me, AND he couldn't even look at me...Soon however, the boy came to his senses and we embraced. And wept. It was a real Hallmark moment. Ahem. Anyways, then I retold my story again and we tried to think of a way to kill the suitors. Finally, we decided on the perfect plan...We would attack from within the palace... Here's how it's gonna go down:

1. I enter the palace disguised as a beggar
2. Meanwhile, Telemakhos will hide the palace's weaponry so the suitors can't get to it
3. We take all the weaponry and kill all the suitors!!

It's like the freaking Italian Job!! woooot! Anyways, that will definitely be exciting, and I'm looking forward to bonding with my boy over the killing of the suitors! Anyways, I have to go, but Telemakhos recommended this one guest blogger because I really don't feel like writing anymore... So here's Antinoos!

Hey Everyone!
Wow, I guess I'm really new to this whole blogging thing, but I mean being a suitor and having my days basically filled with eating Penelope's food and plotting against her son, I guess there's really not much time for this computer stuff....However, we suitors have just learned some highly useful information, and I thought I would just share it with the world.... So, that ugly swineherd Eumaios came to the palace today to tell Penelope something secretly. Of course we couldn't hear, I mean, we're just her future candidate husbands! Anyways, I have a feeling that I know what the swineherd was going to tell Penelope, because right before he could say it, a messenger came hurrying into the palace, claiming that that no-good bratty child Telemakhos had returned home! UGHH!!! Anyways, he doesn't know that we know that he is home, so we have the advantage in this situation... I told the guys that we could easily pounce on him and kill him before he even knows what hit him, and mostly everyone agreed...But then that turkey head Amphinimous had to go and suggest that we "consult the gods" before we "kill such a noble prince..." Who is he kidding??? We are men and we are hunters!! What happens in the jungle stays in the jungle... We can't go around asking the Gods for advice for every animal we kill!! Anyways, most of the guys agreed with Amphinimous, so I guess I'll just have to wait for my sweet revenge...Alright, I'm going to go get some sleep for the big battle (hopefully) coming up soon...Laterrr!
Xoxo,
Antinoos :)

Okay....so yeah I hope you all enjoyed that, and now I'm going to bed..
Peace Out,
Odysseus

Book Fifteen- GUEST BLOGGERRR (sorry guys)

Hey People!
So recently, since I've been staying with Eumaios, I've decided to test him to see how long he'll let me stay...So, I told him that I would have to leave soon, so that he would hopefully invite me to stay longer. I told him that I would leave in the morning, but he told me that that wasn't acceptable and that I would have to stay with him for a little while longer, which is fine by me! The only thing is that he has taken a strange liking to me, and he won't give me a second alone! Even now, he's calling me downstairs to play backgammon with him...I mean I'm staying here, but I STILL HAVE A LIFE...It's not my fault I would rather be up here being social on the internet than actually interacting with someone....pshh.... Anyways, that's why I'm cutting this blog short, and I'm gonna resume with that guest blogger that we had a while back...Bon appetite!

Hey Guys!
It's Telemakhos again! WOW, I haven't blogged here for a while... Well, just to catch you all up, I voyaged for a while looking for my father, but without luck...Then recently, I was staying with Meneleus and Helen, when Athena appeared to me in a dream, and told me to go back to Ithaka, for there was fear of my mother getting married to one of the suitors!! I mean, I care a LOT about my father who I've never met before, but my mommy is my NUMBER ONE. I need to make sure she is okay before I worry about Odysseus anymore. So, yesterday morning, I set sail from the home of Meneleus with many gifts aboard my boat. Right when I boarded, I saw Helen racing back towards the ship. She told me that she had just seen a sign and told me that Odysseus will soon return home to kill the suitors...Maybe going home will prove beneficial to both my mother AND my father! WOOHOO!!! This morning, we arrived in Ithaka at last!! It feels so good to be home :) I can't wait to see my mom and hopefully meet my dad and OMG this is gonna be soooo exciting! AND AND AND AND get this: we just saw a hawk fly by carrying a dove in its talons, and Theoclymenus thinks that it shows the strength of Odysseus and his bloodline...get it?? THAT MEANS ME!! Wow I'm so stoked to meet my father!! Wow, I feel like Dorothy in "The Wizard of Oz," just realizing how easy it was to get home after such a long, perilous journey... YAY!! Okay I'm gonna go now and get a good night's sleep so I can hopefully get a lot done tomorrow. Bye!
Xoxo,
Telemakhos <3 style="font-weight: bold;">


Hmm that was interesting.. okay so me and Eumaios just played pretty much the most uneventful 3-hour game of backgammon I have ever played in my life, and the only way I can get away from him is to go to bed (I swear to god if he asks me to sleep with him too I'M LEAVING I don't care what Athena says...) Anyways, goodnight!
PEACE-
-Odysseus

Book Fourteen- Finding Out What People Think of Me...

What's up everybodyy???
I arrived at Eumaios' hut this morning, and although he didn't recognize me, I would recognize my old swineherd anywhere! I decided not to tell him exactly who I was, so that he couldn't tell anyone I was home. I didn't want to suitors finding out and coming after me before I could launch my surprise attack on them! Anyways, Eumaios told me that he had missed me for a long time (although he didn't know I was me...confusing, right?) and he could not stop praising me. It was a major confidence-booster, and I really wanted to take credit for all of the magnificent things that Eumaios was saying, but I knew I couldn't. Instead, I told Eumaios that I was a vagabond from Crete, and that I had fought with Odysseus at Troy. I told him that I had heard in my vast travels that Odysseus was still alive, and that he would return home very soon. Although Eumaios didn't believe me, and thought that I was only saying this to get money from Penelope, he took a liking to me, and is not allowing me to stay with him in his hut. I'm glad to have a place to stay, even if I have to continue to keep my identity to myself, and take on the form of an old vagabond. I'll do anything to see my Penelope again, and to kill the suitors who have been trying to steal her from me! Here's a picture of Penelope...Isn't she beautiful?? I MISS HER!! But I can tell that my journey is almost complete, and at least I don't have to be at sea any longer :)
YAY!

LATER GATORS
-ODYSSEUS

Book Thirteen- Home at Last!

Hey Guys!
So, how'd you all like the ending to my story?? Alkinoos and his people certainly liked it, and they FINALLY let me go! YAY! Alkinoos loaded my boat with gifts and other stuff ALL morning, and I didn't get to leave till sunset... I don't remember a lot about the trip home, considering I was soooooooooooo tired from all the HARD WORK I did at Scheria, I slept through the whole trip! I feel sort of bad, considering I didn't even wake up when we landed on shore, and my crew had to carry me out onto the land before they set out back for their own homes... The worst part is that I heard that their ship sank like RIGHT after they dropped me off at home... that SUCKS.....ehh whatever it's not MY fault... Anyways, I woke up after being dropped off at Ithaka, although I had NO idea where I was considering I was covered in some weird fog again...Probably that Athena again! She appeared to me and told me that I was supposed to use my cunning to get rid of the suitors, and then she told me to go visit the swineherd Eumaios. Of course, I listened to her (as always) so I'm headed off to Eumaios now! Maybe I will meet my son Telemakhos at last!

P.S. - Here's Eumaios, the guy I guess I'll be spending the next few days with...

Later,
Odysseus

Book Twelve- Not MY Fault....

Hey Everyone!

So last night, as I told you all when I last blogged, I began to tell Alkinoos and his people the story of my voyage... Today, I resumed my story, as I will now...

So, after visiting all of those extremely creepy dead people, we sailed ALL the way back to Aiaia to bury Elpenor's body. Once again,the immortally beautiful Kirke told us what would happen for the rest of our journey.. Anyways, she told us that the first obstacle that we would face would be the Sirens, followed by Scylla and Charybdis (neither of which I really wanted to meet...ew...) So, when we actually set sail from Aiaia, and we came to the Sirens, I had all of my men put wax in their ears like Kirke had told me to. So, while they couldn't hear the Sirens' songs, I was tied to the mast of the boat. I was so curious about how the Sirens sounded I HAD to hear. I had my crew maneuver the boat past the Sirens' island as I writhed on the mast of the boat, trying to escape... Next, we came to Scylla, the six-headed monster. It ate six of my men, but we continued on. Next came Charybdis, the massive whirlpool that almost sucked down my entire boat. We barely made it out alive...Next came the worst part of my journey...We arrived at the island of Thrinacia, which I dreaded. I made sure to tell my crew NOT to eat any of the livestock from the island, but they didn't listen. It's not MY fault they all died! So pretty much that's how I ended up all alone and adrift at sea...Tragic eh?

Xoxo,
Odysseus

P.S. Here's a picture of me and the sirens... Doesn't look like a fun time, does it?...

Book Eleven- I See Dead People

Hey Everyone!

Okay, so after leaving Kirke's island, we continued on the journey that she set for us. I don't really know why I'm STILL listening to her, considering we're gone from her island and she's no longer in control of me, but for some reason I feel obliged to continue to submit to what she wants from me. Either way, when we reached the first realm of the underworld, and Helios took us down to the depths of the sea, I knew that the first thing we had to do was make an offering to the dead, and summon them to help us on our journey. We gave them milk, honey, sweet wine, water, and barley. The first man to emerge was Elpenor, a man from my crew who we had left, dead, on Kirke's island. He begged me to go back to Aiaia after leaving the underworld, to bury his body. I agreed to lay Elpenor's unhappy soul to rest, and he left. I feel as if this first encounter was a test, to see if I would listen to what Elpenor had to say, for after he left, Teiresias, the dark prince of Thebes, emerged. He told me that I would return home safely to find my wife amidst with suitors, and that I would make those men atone in blood! I was happy with this- why, if my wife had ever slept with another man........ Teiresias also told me to make amends with Poseidon, and to make a large sacrifice to him in return for his cooperation and an end to his harassment. Lastly, he told me that unless I wanted to lose all of my crew and face a most perilous journey home, I should not touch the flocks of the Sun when I reach the land of Thrinacia. Ahh, temptation... There must be a reason I should not touch these flocks, but I actually don't much understand it. Anyways, the next person I spoke to was my mother!! However, it was not much of a pleasant surprise to find that she had died out of grief waiting for me to come home, and that my father is indeed very close to the same fate. I sure hope that Penelpope does not feel the same way. My mother told me that Telemakhos has been caring for the house while I've been gone. After an emotional reunion with my mother, I talked to a lot of random people, many mortals with godly lovers, etc. etc. Then, I was approached by Persephone and Agememnon, who told me about how his wife, Klytaimnestra, killed him. Next, Achilles, who asked me about how his son, Neoptolemus. After attempting to speak with just a few more people, I descended completely into the underworld. I witnessed the terrible tortures that were put upon the wrongdoers. There was Tantalus and Sisyphus, who were eternally trying to simply satisfy their needs. (Tantalus was eternally hungry, and Sisyphus eternally attempted to push a boulder up a growing hill.) Suddenly, however, I found myself bombarded by millions of souls, all asking me how their loved ones were doing in the mortal world. It was scary! I felt like Haley Joel Osment in 'The Sixth Sense!' So, I ran into my red tent of a ship, and sailed away as fast as I could.

It was at this point of the story that I decided I had to cut it short. I mean, there is a time for stories, and a time for sleep...It was DEFINITELY time for sleep...

P.S. - Here's a picture of me talking to Teiresias!

Later-
-Odysseus :)

Book Ten- Pandora's Box (or bag...)

Heyy
Mkay so to continue with my story, after leaving the island of the Kyklops, we made our way to Ailolia Island, ruled by the wind god, Aiolos . He kept us there for a month, telling us the story of the Trojan War (as if I need to hear THAT again...) So when he FINALLY allowed us to leave, he bottled up all of the storm winds and gave them to us as a parting gift. Now, we were able to sail flawlessly through the sea with the benefit of the wind on our side. Ithaka was in sight! Everything was going perfectly; it was too good to be true! However, I was the only sailor on my ship who knew what was in Aiolos's bag. I guess the other crew members found the temptation of the mysterious bag too much to handle, and they opened it, releasing all of the winds and sending us all the way back to Ailolia. Just like Pandora's box... It was such a shame. Why didn't I just share my knowledge with the rest of my companions? What made me so special that I felt obliged to be the only one who knew the secret? Anyways, we were sent all the way back to Ailolia, which SUCKED because Aiolos told me that our voyage was "cursed." What great encouragement! But I knew that we couldn't give up and we just couldn't cease our journey to Ithaka. Next, we came upon the island of Aiaia, home of Kirke and her brother Aietes, children of Helios. We drew straws to see who would be the first to check out the island, but they all ended up being turned into pigs and drugged by Kirke. I watched for hours as one by one of of my men entered into her cave, and were drugged up by the devious queen. I didn't know what to do, but then Hermes appeared to me, thank god (literally). He showed me a magical plant that I could eat that would make me unresponsive to Kirke's drugs. Once again, I have no idea why I didn't share this knowledge with my crew...They deserved to have been saved as well... Anyways, I held my sword to her throat, but she begged me to be her lover. I agreed (of course, I mean she was a queen) but only as long as no more ofmy men where harmed. She tempted me with bread and food to tempt me, but once again, my heart did not consent. I was only doing all of this for my beloved wife Penelope.... However, I soon found myself with new trust of Kirke, when she turned my men back from pigs into men. I found myself then drawn to Kirke, and I ended up staying with her as her lover for a year. When my men finally convinced me to leave my beloved Kirke, I asked her how we would ever get back to Ithaka from this island we were on. She replied that the only way we would be able to get back to Ithaka would be to go through the underworld of Hades and Persephone... Upon hearing this, my crew went simply mad. They asked why I was listening to this woman who had at one point fixed to turn them all into pigs! There was no way to explain it, but I knew what I must do it, however out of the way it was. We must go to the Underworld and hear Teiresias tell us what will happen soon. Right before we left, all I remember is seeing Kirke there, floating in the air next to the boat for a moment, and then in a flash, she was gone... For who could see the passage of a goddess unless she wished his mortal eyes aware?

P.S. - Here's a picture of my lady Kirke offering me the drugged drink for the first time...little did she know of my sneaky immunity!! mwahaha!

Peace Out!
Odysseus*